Seeking Bits....?

I have always thought of myself as a strong woman. Anyone who knows me know I am not someone to give in or give up. When I set my mind to it I can do anything. Or at least that is what I thought. Before.... Before Soli.

Pastor Tim said this Sunday at Church "We seek bits of God rather than all that he is." He was talking about how Many, dare I say most, of us treat God as a vending machine. When we are thirsty we walk up to the vending machine, drop in our money and collect our drink. How many of us can honestly say we have not treated God like this before. Something goes wrong (we are thirsty) We ask God to help us or fix the problem (inserting our money) and expect that he will just grant our wish simply because he asked (getting our drink). And then just like a vending machine that "eats" our money we get irritated, angry, frustrated that we did not get our drink immediately so we bang the side of the machine, yell at the machine and curse the machine.
Sometimes we realize that we forgot a nickle or the quarter dropped out the bottom coin return slot and we once again place our money in seeking that drink. Expecting the immediate gratification.
Often we only come to God in times of need and forget to come to him in good times and often forget to give thanks forgetting that he granted the very things we last asked him for last time.
We do not give ourselves completely to God instead we seek bits of him. I know I do.

I have been having a really tough time with Soli the past week. She is on an NG tube and feeding pump since she was not gaining any weight. Well in the past 4 days she has refused to take a bottle at all. I feel like we are going backwards. When she does start sucking on a bottle she gets about 10ccs down the starts acting like she cannot breathe and like she is in pain.

So many times in the past 5+ months I have asked God to heal her (I put in my money) and I see Soli struggling with so much and it is so overwhelming at times and I just feel like kicking the machine. I have prayed and prayed and prayed yet my drink is not coming out. I know I have not totally given Soli up to God. I am afraid to tell you the truth that he might deem me unworthy and take her back. Why is it so easy to seek bits of God but so hard to accept him for all that he is. I know he knows what is in store for Soli and for all of us. Is this his way of getting me to surrender and to pay for the drink even when I am not thirsty so that when I am I will be able to quench my thirst.

I am trying so hard to attain the trust in God that MckMama has. Maybe that is why I have been drawn to her blog. To learn from her. To see the trust she has and give all of myself to him and to finally take him for all that he is.

Not Me Monday

Time once again for Not Me Monday (well it IS monday on the East Coast). Created by MckMama . Tell me what you did not do this week.
1. I did not take all 9 kids out to the mall ALONE on Saturday. Not me!
2. I did not come home from church on Sunday and take Soli into my room and fall asleep on the bed thus leaving the others to fend for themselves. Not Me!
3. I did not go all Twilight and cut my hair like Alice Cullen. Not Me! (OK I gave this one away already!)
4. I did not tell my husband that *IF* we ever had another kid I would name it Remesme or Jasper. NOT ME!!
(Calm down mom I can see you picking up the phone to call me, NO we don't plan on anymore kids!)

Ok your turn!

OK he was cute but....You cannot do THAT!!

Well I think I clarified in a previous post that my life is far from normal. We already attract a lot of attention when I am out and about with all the kids. But nothing prepares me for the Horrified look on the faces of B's victims, I mean Run-ins. B is 13, Well 14 next month but is mentally about a year in a half but she LOOKS like she is 14. I mean at least in her defence she looks Mentally handicapped but somehow I do not think that makes her Victims, I mean those who come into contact with her, feel any better about her recent way of "greeting" people.

B's new form of greeting is to spy her Victim, I mean someone, and walk up to the poor unsuspecting sap and proceed to...well there is no other way to put it but...she feels them up. Yes B seems to have a knack for feeling up those she come in contact with. But Nothing prepares you for the horrified look on her victims, Yes I am going with victim now, faces. They can see she is Mentally handicapped but that can't make them feel any better about getting groped! I cannot even apologize anymore because honestly what can say? She does not seem to care if the person is male or female either. So I guess you could call her an equal opportunity groper?! I am not sure if this new way to greet people is better or worse than her old way (which was to come up to you proceed to give you a bath with her tongue.) I guess for her this new way is much more sanitary? All I can do is gather my children (no easy task in itself) and slink out the door...

Anyone have any ideas?? OK well lunch is calling (yes I KNOW it is 3pm already!) and I have to get the kids to taco bell and everyone is in the bus waiting for me...

Challange with Dawn

OK well I challanged a friend to write a post everyday for the next 2 weeks in order to jump start her blogging. So... Here goes. (Oh BTW you can go to her blog by clicking on the word friend.)

My Boy who Sparkles

These feet were made for....walkin'!

Alice Cullen

Yes I have fallen into the Twilight craze. I have been debating getting my hair cut for a bit. I have had it long for YEARS. I would say I am most like Alice Cullen, We both have an obsession with shopping!! Well I decided to take the plunge....

It is going to take some getting used to but I think I like it..