Lazy Sunday?

Soli and Lily Watching Riley graduate from Kindergarden

I am sitting here trying to figure out what to do today. I am down 3 kids so I can take the minivan. Maybe the outlet mall or swimming. Except Soli can't go in the pool and it might be too hot to have her just sitting outside.

I do have good news though! Soli has been taking all her daytime feeds by bottle for the past 2 days! I don't worry too much what she takes during the day because I can make the calories up overnight on her continuous feeds. Yesterday she drank 4.5 bottles (she SHOULD take 5) so not too shabby if I do say so myself.

Her tummy the day before surgery (yes at 9 lbs she still fits in my bathroom sink!)

Here are some pictures of outdoor fun with daddy last weekend.. Unfortunately daddy has drill this weekend so we are on our own.

Prayers for April Rose a fake.

Last weekend and for the past few months I have been following the blog of a young mom named "B" and her little girl April Rose. Honestly the blog was well written and even though her daughter was not supposed to survive he faith in God and her strength were amazing! I prayed for this little girl daily! Last sunday I sat and pressed refresh a million times while little April Rose was being born and held my breath with each update. Until the pictures were posted... I noticed the babies in the college one were not the same baby and the baby looked fake, like a doll even. "B" was exposed as a fake and "B" was a woman named Beccah Rose Beushausen. Little April Rose? None other than a baby reborn doll.
Here are some pics of Beccah and April Rose.




This frustrates me so much but I will take from this that I did find some words of comfort in her posts and she did get my prayer requests for Soli out to more people than my blog would have so I will accept that is what all this was for. I am however glad that there is no dying baby named April Rose but for every fake April Rose there are 100 other really sick babies so keep praying folks.

Wordless Wednesday

Not what I had planned.

How many time have you set out to do something and it just didn't quite turn out the way you planned? Or have you ever planned out every detail of something just for it not to go as you had planned?

Sometimes I think it's God's joke to give us the illusion that we have any say in what happens to us. That's all it really is. Planning anyhow. It's an illusion. We can plan for what we WANT to happen but honestly we have no true control over the ultimate outcome of anything.

When I was little all I want to do was grow up and be a mommy. I planned to have kids and lots of animals. Be well off, not rich but comfortable. I had all these plans as a little girl. Over the years plans changed as opportunities arose, but ultimately I got what I planned for.

Well....sort of.

It was not my plan to get married, get divorced, get re-married. It was not my plan to cart kids to non-custodial parents for visits.

It was not in my plan to have 10 kids. Nor was it in my plan to raise someone else's kids.

It was not in my plan to have disabled kids.

But the best laid plans can become not what was planned.

When I met Tom it was not in my plan to have 5 kids in 5 years.

It was not in my plan to deliver 2 kids in the same calender year.

It was not in my plan to deliver a 25 weeks 25 oz baby and it was not in my plan to spend a total of nearly 4 of her first 6 months in the hospital.

It was not in my plan to have endless medical appointment for my children.

It was not in my plan to have a section in my house where Medial supplies are stored.

It was not in my plan to hear the constant hum of an oxygen regulator in my home nor was it in my plan to have the ability to recognise an apnea monitor's wail from anywhere in the house.

It was not in MY plan.

But it was in God's.

At times I have a very hard time dealing with God's plan. I want it my way, according to my plan. Those who know me, know I am a very take charge kind of person. I am the kind of person who goes after what I want and I am very determined and usually prevail.

I am being humbled now. At least I would rather say humbled instead of broken down.

This whole "my life with Soli" part of my life reminds me of boot camp. In boot camp the RDC's job was to break you so they could then build you up the way they wanted to to be. Lately I have been feeling broken down, nothing is what I had planned for me or my family. I am thankful for Tom though I feel like at times we are being so stretched that we might break but he is there when it counts. I am thankful for my Internet and IRL (in real life) family and friends, my blog readers who give me someone to talk to.

I guess now I have to look to God and trust in him to build me back up.

Perhaps this is what was in his plan all along even though... It was not what I had planned.

Pea is 9lbs 4ozs! And out of Surgery!

The Board I watched for an hour and a half, telling us Peanut is out of surgery and in PACU.

We stayed in recovery for about an hour and a half and got Angel some pain meds and then went up to our room on the 6th floor. Now she is restless but seems to be doing good.

Her heart rate is up a bit, respirations are a bit fast and her O2 sats are hovering in the low 90's but so far so good. I held it together pretty good until I got the call that surgery was over and she was going to recovery and then I realized I had spent the previous hour and a half barley breathing. For all those interested here is what her tummy looks like right now:

In about 6 weeks the tube will be removed and replaced with a Mic-Key button. Ok well she just got some more pain meds so I am going to rest for a bit. Getting up every 2 hours all night last night was not conducive to a good night's rest for mommy..

See you later peanut...

I've done it and unlike last time I am not crying.
Not because I am not nervous for her but because I know I am doing the right thing.
Hopefully she will not need the G-tube for a long amount of time, but right now it is the right choice.
Now we will be able to see her beautiful face without tape all over it.
Now she will look like a normal baby and the first impression strangers get will not be of a sick baby.
No longer will I be greeted by "Adorable baby what is wrong with her?"
She will no longer be defined by the yellow feeding tube that covered half her face.
Though not "Normal" (see this post about that word) she will at least for the most part APPEAR "Normal".

So now I sit here watching then little blue screen (BYW she is SI..A,S)that has now told me her surgery has begun and know that she is in God's hands and that he will take care of her.

Davine intervention? Karma? Revenge?

This morning I decided that I would go tie up some loose ends with the bus stickers and take the kids to the flea market.

Well anyone who has been to a flea market can tell you parking is less than ideal. Since I had Soli and the other little ones I decided I would just pull to the side of the aisle and wait for one of the handicapped spaces to open up. After 10 mins I saw someone come from the flea market and when they got to the car on the right of me I put my blinker on to signal I was going to park there. As I was waiting for this person to back out, a lady in a white car pulled up between me and the car backing up.

Surely this lady knew I was waiting for the spot and was not going to try to steal it right?

WRONG!

As I realized her intentions were to snipe my spot I honked and she looked at me. I told her I was waiting to park there and she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head and mouthed that she was going to park there. I politely mouthed back that I was waiting and she again shrugged her shoulders and then pulled into the spot.

I sat there dumbfounded as I watched her jump out of the car throw her kids in the stroller and run into the flea market. OMG I was pissed!! As I sat there trying to pick my jaw up off the car floor and take a few deep breaths, another spot 2 spaces over opened up and I parked.

I got the kids out and decided I was going to look at her car. She had no handicap plates and was not displaying a placard.

The fine in our town for parking in a handicap space without proper placards or plates:

Still pissed at her I call the Police and told them there was someone parked illegally in a handicap space.

The officer quickly responded and I told him the story.

"Now" I told him, "had she pulled a disabled person out of the car I may have been more forgiving but she was just plain rude." The officer agreed with me. I left and took the kids into the market and when I came out this was her car and this is what happened:

Davine Intervention? Karma? Revenge? Whatever you want to call it, I can guarantee she was not prepared to spend over $400 to go to the flea market today. Wow she got some really expensive fruits! I hope they are good!