Friday, January 30, 2009

The Sweetest Gift!

As of last night Angel girl weighed 3 pounds 4 ozs! Her primary nurse Margie got her a headband and she was sooo adorable in it!

Here is her 7 week picture with her cow! She is getting sooooo big now!

As for the sweetest gift....
When I came in this morning she was back on Bubbles and was dressed!! They are going to move her in the next few days to a crib!!!!!!!!!! I can bring clothes in now for her! This is the best birthday gift I could have hoped for short of her coming home!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Weaning the vent

Sorry I have not updated in a few days it has been crazy to say the least. It is hard to blog when all 8 other kids are home. We are patiently waiting for 2 babies to be born in this family. My Niece is being induced today and sometime later we will welcome Josephine May into the family. Meghan is due 2-2 but I think Lily is waiting to be born on grandmas birthday. Yes Sunday 2/1 is my birthday. Wow 32 and I feel so old already.

Soli is doing well. she is floating around the 3 lb mark. As of yesterday her Co2 levals were finally in the 40s so they are slowly weaning down the vent. She has been at the vents highest settings (60 Breaths per minute) for over a week and we were afraid that if her Co2 levals did not come down she might have to go on the jet vent. The jet vent is a high frequency vent. I guess she overheard me and Margie talking about that and decided to start behaving. As of last ishe was down to 51 RPM and 45% O2.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

The 3 POUND MARK!!!!!

My angel has DOUBLED her birth weight!! She is getting so big. I was amazed looking at her hands last night. They are so big compared to the size they were when she was born! She is filling out and is so Beautiful! She is starting to look like Corbin. Her weight last night was 3 lbs 1 oz. Making it to the 3 lb mark is a sigh of relief. A small glimmer in the bad week we have had.

Here is her 6 week Chick-a-lay pic:

Yesterday I was doing Diaper laundry and brought all the clean diapers out to the livingroom to fold and Corbin was "helping" me. I left the room for a minute and he decided he wanted to be IN the Fluff rather than helping put it away

Here is my boy in some Jesus Fluff!

Friday, January 23, 2009

On the vent...AGAIN

grrrrrrrrrr. I hate this! Soli is back on the vent... i just want to scream! Would it really hurt to make some progress and NOT step back?! Seriously God I am not sure how much more of this I can handle! A break that is all I am asking for. For Me and for Soli.

FINALLY... Some good news!

Well apparently last night about 9 pm my Angel decided she no longer wanted the vent's assistance so she ex-tubated herself! Now she is on Bubbles and is doing very well. They are keeping a very close eye on her as she was still on rather high settings on the vent. As of now she is sating at about 95% and is on 50% O2. She is Bubbling away. She is actually doing better than she was on the vent. I am so relieved! Finally some good news after a bad week. I cannot wait to go see her today!

I am going to link you to one of my blog follower's blog that he sent me yesterday. He wrote about Soli and Tom and I feel so blessed that this man is praying for our daughter all the way in INDIA! His daughter and ours are a month apart and we are both blogging for our children though in different ways... If you have the time please read it and comment him. He writes so well and it will be worth the read!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I had a dream...

OK I know 2 posts in one day but I was in the shower and I was reviewing my dream from last night.
In my dream I was in a room and I looked up and saw a baby in Soli's spot. (In the NICU your child can be moved spots daily) The baby in the bed was lying on it's tummy looking up at me with huge blue eyes. I looked around for Soli and was upset they had moved her and I did not know where she was. The baby in the bed looked like it was going to fall out of the bed so I walked over to check it and saw the name on the bed. Silva, Solange Lea. It was Soli, no machines, no oxygen just a normal, beautiful, healthy baby girl. Then I woke up. It was a wonderful dream! I have tried to think about what it means. Is it just my desire for her to come off the vent and get healthy? OR was it showing me what was to come? Either way I have held on to that dream all day.

I have been sick and I was not able to go see her today and I am a bit depressed about that but I keep calling to check on her. I hope each time that they will tell me she is doing better but I get the same response, she is stable and is the same. She is up to 2 lbs 13 ozs though.

Wordless Wednesday.. well almost wordless.

Meghan..37 weeks

We had to update our family on our van cause people are missing. So here is our old family. I will take a pic of our new family as I cannot seem to find one right now.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Answer to the Breathing problem

Well it seems as though Miss Angel has a Staph infection in her lungs. That is what caused her to have to be re-intubated. She is now on 3 antibiotics and should be feeling better in 5-10 days. They are fairly sure once she is feeling better that she will be able to come off the vent. Here is a picture of her on Friday and then today..

Friday, January 16, 2009


Yesterday at 11:15am I called to check on my Angel and was told she was doing great. She had a bath and handled it very well. Her weight was still 2 lbs 5 ozs and was on 35% O2. Imagine my suprise to walk in at 4:45pm and find her Bubbles gone and not for the better. Soli had to be reintubated yesterday. They are not sure what is wrong. They suspect an infection and have started antibiotics. Preliminary bloodwork says no infection. Best case senerio is that she has refluxed and asperated some milk into her lungs. Luckily when she started going downhill the dr was there assessing her and made the decision to intubate her rather quickly. She seems to be doing better right now that she is back on the vent. She is getiing 60 Breaths per minute by the vent and is on 60% or higher O2 and as of last night she was making no attempts to iniciate her own breaths. She was allowing to machine to do it all for her. I knew something was wrong, there was no fight in her. They moved her across the room because theyhad a transpot coming in. Talk about holding my breath! I held mine the entire move because they had to disconnect the Vent and manually bag her for the move.

Morning update: Soli has been weaned a bit on the vent settings and is at 50% O2. She is tolorating her feeds which are at 22.5ml every 3 hours by NG tube. The good news is that thru all of this she has gained 6 OZS in the past 24 hours! Little Miss Soli is 2 lbs 11 ozs! Yea she shocked her nurse too (who weighed her several times to make sure it was not a mistake.)

This is shocking to me as I seemed to have fallen into a false sence of security in the past week. Everything was going great and we were looking at coming off the bubbles. This is not what we had in mind when we said she would come off the bubbles. So a step back yesterday and another realization of how fragile she is and how quickly things can change.

More and more I feel as though I am supposed to submit and tell God that I give her up to him and trust in him that he knows what is right. But the truth is I am afraid. I am afraid that if I tell him that she is his that he will take her from us. But I am afraid at the same time that if I do not he will take her for not giving her to him and trusting his will. I guess in a way I feel I am in a no-win situation. So instead I keep praying asking him to tell me what he wants me to do. I think I know but am not listening because it is not what I want to hear.

I am lost. My inbox send me the should be happy you are X weeks pregnant. It tells me all the things that should be going on with me and my baby. I used to have 3 of them coming to my inbox and I changed one of them one day to reflect her birth. Yesterday I got the Your child is 5 weeks old email. It tells me all the things my 5 week old should be doing. I am stuck, not sure where I belong. I am supposed to be 30 weeks pregnant yet I am the mother of a 5 week old. There should be a mix one for parents of preemies because the pregnancy one only throws in my face what my body should be doing and the 5 weeks one only shows me what I am missing not having a "normal" baby. GAAAD I should just unsubscribe to all of them....

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Ok So it is not Wednesday but...

I found the camera cord. ENJOY!!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Say a prayer for Soli's roommate's family (Child Death mentioned)

I am sad to announce that Soli's roommate Baby V(a 23/24 weeker) lost his fight today. For the past week I have watched his beautiful baby boy fight to survive. When I walked in tonight the room had been cleared of everyone except Soli and 2 other very sick little ones and his space was empty. After talking to Kasen's mom (Soli's boyfriend and buddy for the past nearly 5 weeks who was moved when things started going downhill with baby V) I learned that the tiny boy on the left of Soli did not make it.

If you could, would you please say a prayer for his family as they prepare to say goodbye to their son for the very last time.

I saw him last night and he looked good but sometime after I left at about 10:30 pm he coded for the first time. His family (from what I was told) was able to come in to see him and had the chaplin come in and sometime this afternoon he lost his battle.
The loss is all to real to me right now knowing it is a day to day struggleand we never know. I mean the other day the nurses were showing his parents Soli's bubbles and telling him that soon he would move on to bubble cpap and now his space is empty. So say a prayer and hug you kids a bit tighter... Tomorrow is never promised, all we have is here and now...

Happy 1 month birthday baby girl.

One month ago last night at 11:53 pm my world changed. Last night my Angel weighed in at 2 lbs 5 ozs. She has been having more frequent Bradys lately but I have been assured this is just a immature / prematurity thing. I am going to save my photos for a wordless wednesday so come back on Wed for a Photo bonanza!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Long overdue update

Soli is doing well. She is on Bubble CPAP on 35% Oxygen. I am hoping she will be off the bubbles soon so I can finally hold her without having to fight the tubes. She is tollorating her feeds. She is up to 20MLs over 2 hours and then one hour off and then 20MLs over 2 hours and one hour off all day. She is such a trooper. She is starting to fill out. She is finally getting butt cheeks!! LOL. As soon as I can find my camera cord I will download some recent photos.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Mail info

OK so many people have asked and so In the comments of this post I will put our mailing address.
Also since others have asked I will list all the kids here.

On another note, our grandbaby is due in 3 weeks. I can't wait. I am excited for her arrival and I am hoping Soli will be able to come home shortly after.
Soli is holing at 2 lbs and is still on the bubbles but I have been able to kangaroo her for the past 2 days. It feels so good to hold her and feel her move.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

No more TPN, No IVs and Fluff!!

Sunday night Soli's nurse took off her TPN and I am so proud to say she no longer has any IVs! This being said her Broviac is also being taken out. Well No TPN = no weighing diapers. No weighing diapers = cloth time!!! Here is my angel in her first fluff custom made for her by Nanas Bottoms!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

This movie pretty much sums up life...

I stole it from a fellow blogger but it is very good. Just goes to show you that you never know how one small thing that you do will affect someone else! Enjoy!

2 POUNDS!!!!!

Soli weighed in at, get this, 2LBS last night!!! This is the magical mark so we have been told. It should be gradual gain from here. She is on Bubbles and eating 4MLs and hour and tolorating it. TPN is going down because she is eating well. I even got to Kangaroo her last night and her O2 stats were so good the whole time that they turned down her O2 to 38!

Hey anyone know how to crochet or knit? I am looking for blankets for her so let me know and how much you want so I can start getting her some....

Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Wristband

Many of you who are parents have seen this wristband, or one like it. This is the wristband the hospital puts on you when you have a baby. The one you wear for a day or two and then as you are leaving with your baby the nurses check against your baby's and then cut them off both of you and in a sense set you free. To many of you this is a wristband you wear for a day and then put in the baby book. For those of us with babies in the NICU it is much more than that.

You see when we are pregnant people see the belly and ask you about the baby and you gush with pride as you tell them what you are having, the baby's name and when your due ect. After you have your baby you have a cute little bundle that everyone gushes over and asks you about acknowledging you are a new mother. For those of us with NICU babies this band is all that identifies us to the rest of the public as new mothers. It is our marker, our acknowledgement. We no longer have the baby belly nor do we have a cute little baby to carry around. We have a plastic band with our baby's birth date, last name, time and sex. Many of us our bands are weathered from constant hand washing, cracked from weeks and months of wear and barely legible. But we wear it with pride and are proud when someone sees it and asks if we just had a baby. To us there is an emotional attachment to this little plastic band.

A new mother gets a ride to the car in a wheelchair and help into her car. A NICU mother is handed is handed a NICU Visitor's tag, checks on her baby and trudges to the car, alone. No wheelchair, no identifiers that she is indeed, a new mother too. A NICU mom is anxious for the day that she too can take off her weathered, faded band, though her baby's is long gone or never fit them in the first place and is set free to begin a "normal" life. One that includes getting up and cuddling her baby and not getting up and trekking into the hospital.

Until then we wear our weathered bands with pride because they represent the baby we cannot take everywhere with us.

Friday, January 2, 2009


Little Miss Soli was extabated today and is now on Bubble CPAP. Yea! I held her again today for a little bit. I can hardly wait to get back there tomorrow and hold her again. Well 3 Kids are at grandma's house and 4 are in bed and I am reaping the rewards of yesterdays IKEA trip and todays Target trip. OUCH! Well I am going to bed and will post a new picture of my Angel on her bubbles tomorrow...

Thursday, January 1, 2009

More Randomness and Rambling

3 WEEKS OLD! Happy 3 week Birthday Soli!

Tom was watching History channel the other night and a show about Job was on. Since then I have been thinking about everything that has gone on in the last month. The show made me wonder if everything that has happened is a test. You know, Like a test of my Faith. And I also began to think about Hannah and how she wanted a child so bad she was willing to compromise with God and promise to give the child she so badly wanted to him if he would just allow her to have a child. I have realized in the past month just how lucky I am to have kids who don't listen to me or who make my house a mess and drive me crazy. I also never realized something the size of my hand and the weight of my soda could have such an impact on me. I had never really had the fear of losing one of my children forever before. I have never been so happy yet so scared at the same time.
This Christmas for me at least, the emphasis was taken off presents and sales and put on a life and love. Christmas has forever been changed for me. I know I will never be the same again. I have found a new trust in God and believe that he does put people in our lives for different reasons. We never know when we meet someone that one day they may become our saving grace or that their willingness to care or get involved may save help us in a way you'd never imagined it could. Soli has brought alot of people into my life and thru them I know I am not alone and that God placed all of them here now. And maybe, just maybe it was one of their prayers that saved my child. I will never know but I do trust that God has placed each and every one of them in my life thru Soli.

Soli's name fits her more than I ever could have imagined. It literally means Angel of the Sun. She truly is my Angel.