I am sooo Bad at keeping up

Well I am going to try to make sure to post here more often. I need an outlet and maybe someday some of my random ramblings will be useful to someone. My word was crushed a bit more in the past 2 weeks here is what happened:
How is it your whole world seems to end when your dr tells you something's wrong with your "baby"? Caden had an appt today and the dr confirmed what we have been thinking for a little bit now. Caden has Aspergers syndrome. (a form of autism). I know we have been suspecting it but there is nothing to prepair you for the reality. I was so relieved to know that Caden is not just being a punk or ignoring us, but then I was devistated. I have wanted to do nothing but cry all day. You would think with the fact that we already are raising 2 special needs kids we would be "used" to it so to speak. I did not expect to feel like this. I keep wondering if I refused his shots maybe he would be ok. Well Corbin has not, nor will he be getting any shots till they can prove to me beyond a doubt that there is no connection. I am trying to see this as God made him this way for a reason but I cannot for the life of me figure out what that reason is... I know it is not the worst thing that can happen to him but it seems like a type of death. the death of the life I thought he would have and now I have to get used to a whole new life, a whole new world. My son's world.