45 hours

It is hard to believe that in the past almost 6 months we have gone from this:

To this:

From 25 ounces to 8 and a half pounds!

5 months and 5 days ago I was here:

Watching them wisk my daughter off for Heart Surgery.

Today I am holding her closer knowing that in 45 hours I will once again watch my daughter roll thru the doors marked Surgery and I will take a long deep breath as the doors shut behind her knowing I will not breathe again till I am by her side in recovery.

I think I am more scared about this smaller surgery than I was about her heart surgery. Maybe it's because I cannot picture my life without this little wonder. Because since I have been with her all this time I know what I would be missing if she was not here.

I have been so torn about this surgery. I want to do what is best for her and after much deliberation, I think this is it. I can only say I think because I do have some reservations though in the end the benefits far outweigh the negatives.

45 hours.

45 more hours to look at her perfect little body.

45 hours more to kiss her little face.

45 hours more before she is changed forever.

45 hours more to hold her close, snuggle her body and breathe in her scent before handing her over to strangers.

45 hours.

So far yet so close. So for the next 45 hours I am going to love on my daughter, not think of the what ifs, cherish every coo and movement, every smile and even her cry.

45 hours more that I am going to pray to God to keep her safe and pray to him for the peace that I am making the right choice for her.