Chaos and Cookies

If you know me you know I almost always live in a state of Chaos. I mean with 9 kids going 12 different directions (yes 12 and I am not sure how they accomplish that) it is a wonder anything gets done!
I will be the first to admit I am not perfect, My kids are not the perfectly well behaved little kids holding mommy's hand in the store not asking for a thing. Mine are usually the ones playing grab ass as my husband calls it, down the aisle. There is often a small child crying because someone touched them or they cannot have something. Many times more than one. My son is often looking like a lost tourist among the sea of racks and aisles.
Wherever we go we are noticed. Sometimes that is good (when the kids are half way behaving) and many times it is not.
There is no such thing as a quick run into the store. Each trip takes lots of time to prepare for.

My life seems at times, like when you are baking cookies. (My cookies come pre-made but let's just roll with this.) To bake cookies you have to get all the ingredients together, You have to measure out everything. You have to pre-heat the oven, mix, roll out, grease the pan, cut the cookies and then finally put them in to bake. You await the final buzz of the oven. In the meantime you smell the cookies baking and you imagine what it will be like when they are done. You look at your kitchen covered in dirty mixing bowls and cups and dusted with flour. It is a bit overwhelming when you are in the moment, but you know that in the end the cookies will be worth all the mess.

Right now my cookies (Kids) are in the oven (growing) and I am staring at my dirty kitchen (my daily chaos of a family of 11) But when the timer goes off, I know that the Cookies will be well worth the wait and the mess left behind.

Throwing in the Towel

Do you ever feel like throwing in the towel?

I for one, have days when I wish I could.

Do you ever think about what your life would be like if you just quit? I mean what would happen if you just walked away?

I have often wondered what it would be like to be the irresponsible parent. You know the one who is able to walk away and leave it all behind. I KNOW I could never really do that but I do wonder sometimes. I wonder what I would be doing right now if I was not cleaning house, cooking dinner, chasing kids, running to dr appointments, being a wife.

Would I be happier?

Sadder?

Would I know what I was missing or because I never had it, would I even care?

Where would I be?

Who would I be?

The saying "the grass is greener on the other side" applies here. I can think about all this and think of how my life would be somehow better but would it really?

I had a neighbor, whom my daughter CJ helps with shopping and cleaning, attempt to throw in the towel this week and I watched my 11 year old come home upset and confused. I have had to explain more about life in the past few days than I ever though I would have to explain to an 11 year old.

We always dream of it better but honestly I don't think it would be.

Different yes but not necessarily better.

As much as I have days like today and I am very close to throwing in the towel, I check on my kids (who after MUCH arguing and a day full of being annoying and not listening) who are asleep in their beds, I know that it is because of them that I will never actually thrown in the towel but I will use that towel to wipe the crap off my kitchen table!

I am still figuring out what my life is supposed to mean but I do know that I was supposed to be these children's mom for whatever reason and I have to do all I can to be the best I can for them.

As for the proverbial "towel" it is now piled with the mound of dirty clothes in the laundry room and someday I will get caught up and that towel will once again surface but for now at least my kitchen table is clean!

Ever wanna post to noone?

OK I was looking for a good sounding board.

Somewhere I could post anonymously about whatever was bugging me.

You know you always feel better when you say what is on your mind but many times you can't. SO I came up with this blog.

I am going to use it to complain about whatever is bugging me and I opened it up to anyone else who cares to do the same .

http://imanonymouslyme.blogspot.com/
It is a great place to let it all out.

Share your rants, raves and have your own Pity party.

Everyone needs to have one at some point and you know you feel better after you let it out.

Something Good from Something bad..

Visit my Blog just for HWWP. www.HiswillwednesdaysPrayers.blogspot.com

Lazy Sunday?

Soli and Lily Watching Riley graduate from Kindergarden

I am sitting here trying to figure out what to do today. I am down 3 kids so I can take the minivan. Maybe the outlet mall or swimming. Except Soli can't go in the pool and it might be too hot to have her just sitting outside.

I do have good news though! Soli has been taking all her daytime feeds by bottle for the past 2 days! I don't worry too much what she takes during the day because I can make the calories up overnight on her continuous feeds. Yesterday she drank 4.5 bottles (she SHOULD take 5) so not too shabby if I do say so myself.

Her tummy the day before surgery (yes at 9 lbs she still fits in my bathroom sink!)

Here are some pictures of outdoor fun with daddy last weekend.. Unfortunately daddy has drill this weekend so we are on our own.

Prayers for April Rose a fake.

Last weekend and for the past few months I have been following the blog of a young mom named "B" and her little girl April Rose. Honestly the blog was well written and even though her daughter was not supposed to survive he faith in God and her strength were amazing! I prayed for this little girl daily! Last sunday I sat and pressed refresh a million times while little April Rose was being born and held my breath with each update. Until the pictures were posted... I noticed the babies in the college one were not the same baby and the baby looked fake, like a doll even. "B" was exposed as a fake and "B" was a woman named Beccah Rose Beushausen. Little April Rose? None other than a baby reborn doll.
Here are some pics of Beccah and April Rose.




This frustrates me so much but I will take from this that I did find some words of comfort in her posts and she did get my prayer requests for Soli out to more people than my blog would have so I will accept that is what all this was for. I am however glad that there is no dying baby named April Rose but for every fake April Rose there are 100 other really sick babies so keep praying folks.

Wordless Wednesday