Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Throwing in the Towel
Do you ever feel like throwing in the towel?
I for one, have days when I wish I could.
Do you ever think about what your life would be like if you just quit? I mean what would happen if you just walked away?
I have often wondered what it would be like to be the irresponsible parent. You know the one who is able to walk away and leave it all behind. I KNOW I could never really do that but I do wonder sometimes. I wonder what I would be doing right now if I was not cleaning house, cooking dinner, chasing kids, running to dr appointments, being a wife.
Would I be happier?
Would I know what I was missing or because I never had it, would I even care?
Where would I be?
Who would I be?
The saying "the grass is greener on the other side" applies here. I can think about all this and think of how my life would be somehow better but would it really?
I had a neighbor, whom my daughter CJ helps with shopping and cleaning, attempt to throw in the towel this week and I watched my 11 year old come home upset and confused. I have had to explain more about life in the past few days than I ever though I would have to explain to an 11 year old.
We always dream of it better but honestly I don't think it would be.
Different yes but not necessarily better.
As much as I have days like today and I am very close to throwing in the towel, I check on my kids (who after MUCH arguing and a day full of being annoying and not listening) who are asleep in their beds, I know that it is because of them that I will never actually thrown in the towel but I will use that towel to wipe the crap off my kitchen table!
I am still figuring out what my life is supposed to mean but I do know that I was supposed to be these children's mom for whatever reason and I have to do all I can to be the best I can for them.
As for the proverbial "towel" it is now piled with the mound of dirty clothes in the laundry room and someday I will get caught up and that towel will once again surface but for now at least my kitchen table is clean!