Thursday, April 23, 2009
Orange for Stellan (a bit late but still)
We had another Pediatrician appointment today. Soli has not gained even an ounce since Tuesday. So I requested her NG tube be put back in. We see the GI dr tomorrow. I am so scared he is going to label her FFT (Failure to Thrive) She is only 6 lbs 11 ozs and her adjusted age is 1 month today.
NEWSFLASH: I am not supermom. I do not know it all. I am scared.
I cannot do any of the "normal" baby things with her. I want to pick her up and walk around with her but I can't in fact I cant hold her well at all between the O2 the pulse ox monitor and the NG tube. Forget about walking around with her. Every time I try to feed her she gags and acts like she is going to throw up. She is not gaining weight so I know I must be doing something wrong. I so not like it when I am not in charge. I do not like when things are out of my control. I HATE not knowing how to "make it better." I am stressed out about her eating and then stressed out about pumping too. I am so near quitting and just giving formula I mean obviously my milk must not be very good if she is not getting bigger on it. Maybe she would do better on formula. Maybe I would be less stressed about having to produce enough for her. But then it is exactly what I did not want to do. I wanted to nurse her for at least the first year and maybe more. But nothing is going according to plan is it? Thing is, This IS God's plan. Now I have to discover why? So If someone could clue me in so we can get past this then I am all ears...
Here are a few shirts I had made for Soli.... Oh and me!
Posted by Dani at 5:04 PM