Sunday, May 24, 2009

Whirlwind...and a white flag


Whirlwind of Emotions that is. So much is going on and has gone on in the past few weeks. 2 Babies who's blogs I have followed for months have gone to Heaven, Friends and family are having babies. Corbin is mobile, The bus is being painted (the bus is my release) Soli is... Well Soli is heading in the right direction... I think....

I have so many emotions running thru me lately.
Sadness for Kayleigh and now baby Faith but relief that they are free from their broken bodies.
Rejoiceful that Myah got 93 glorious days with her daughter because she chose not to take Faith's life but to allow God to chose when she had to leave.
Happy Casey is having her little girl and nervous at the same time because I know just how fragile a pregnancy can be.
Thankful my friend D is there to talk to.
Anger that I cannot keep it all together.
Frustration that I cannot seem to get the kids to listen, help or even care about anything or anyone other than themselves.
Depressed about the state of the house and the fact that I cannot get a break.
Disappointment because I have failed Soli and now I do not know which is the right move to make. What if I chose the wrong thing for her? Why do I have to make the choice alone?
Resentment that Tom does not seem to deal with the kids well at all anymore (since coming home from Iraq.)
Loss because the husband I sent to Iraq is not the same one who came home to me.
I feel like holding up the white flag and waving it frantically hoping God will see it.
(I think he is up there laughing at me. "Tis no rest for the weary!")

6 comments:

ABCDE=Party of 5 for ME! said...

OMG sweetie! I'm so sorry you're getting dumped on right now! God does see you, and God does care! Please dont give up.... we love you and care so much about you and the munchkins! I'm sure Tom will come around, just give him time...as for Soli, I think you're doing the right thing after talking to you earlier! Please dont second guess your decisions regarding her or the other kids!

As for the house... I think we should get some big commune together and help each other out! ;) I feel the exact same way, and i have half the kiddos here that you do! :)

Hugs!
Dawn

Jennifer said...

Dani,

So sorry for the struggles you are having. You do have a lot going on. I was having myself a bitter pity party all alone yesterday. I'm a bit better today but till trying to take things one day at a time. And rely heavily on the Lord, clinging with faith. Big hugs,
Jen

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Anonymous said...

You are a selfish person. You hide behind God and use your children to justify your sickness. You should be ashamed of yourself. I feel so sorry for your innocent children. Obviously you have passed your potential for having healthy babies a long time ago and you should have stopped but you just HAD to be a mother so now your poor children suffer. You just pathetic and need psychological help!