Monday, March 23, 2009
Do you ever feel like
Nothing is going right and all you want to do is cry? Yea I am having one of those days.
Today is Soli's due date and she weighs 6lbs 6 ozs. She is getting so big. Like I said in my last post, I am sad that we missed nearly 4 months of our pregnancy. I look at her and think in my mind that she is "full term" now and that had she been born when she was supposed to, that I would be able to snuggle my baby and take her places without all the wires and O2. I am sad that she still needs all of this medical equipment to survive. there is no more just running into the store. Each trip is a major undertaking with all the equipment.
Our Insurance is infuriating me. I do not understand why they have to make it so damn impossible for Soli to get the care she needs. Her discharge instructions said she is to see the pediatric Pulmnologist within 2 weeks of discharge. Tomorrow she will have been home for 2 weeks and now Tricare says that the Dr that she has been seeing all this time is not contracted and not only do they want us to see a new doctor, they want us to go to a whole different Hospital group. WTF?? What do they not understand about her being on O2 and needing a Doctor NOW?
So on top of being sad about my Due date I feel like a failure because of the insurance and frustrated with all the equipment and I'm tired. Tired of being worried all the time. I don't sleep well because I am afraid of something happening to Soli. Tom and I have been fighting for the past few days and I am sure that at some point even though he was in the wrong I will just have to deal with it WITHOUT an apology or anything being fixed.
I feel cramped and cluttered. And Overwhelmed by the clutter. I get no help with laundry, or any cleaning and I can't do it all alone and I do not understand why no one else can understand that. I mean I cannot even leave the room that Soli is in if there are not other adults there so that dramatically cuts down on the amount of housework I can get done. Any advise I am open. Remember we have 9 kids and 2 adults living in a 1700 sqft 4 bedroom house. Anyone wants to come help I am open there too.. I am so at the point where I just want to throw everything away!
Have I given my kids so much that they are truly the ungrateful brats they have been posing as? They all think the world is owed to them and that they have to do nothing in return. The mouth on my 11 year old! OMG! And Ry and Sy are getting just as bad. I don't spank my kids so any options other than that I will take into consideration. Suggest away.
I so wish I could take a nice LONG HOT bath but I have no tub and the $3000 we were going to use to get one put in had to be used to fix the van so no bath for me.
I am sure this all will pass soon but today has just been a sucky day and I had to tell someone..
Thanks for listening...
Posted by Dani at 3:37 PM