Soli PICU day 4.

Here I sit 4 days into the latest hospital stay for Soli. At first Dr's thought that she had aspiration pneumonia. Now they are saying they think she has BPD (her preemie lung disease) and some kind of winter virus on top of it. She is on 2 liters of O2 @45% . She is not tolerating her feeds well right now either. She is also very wheezy. She is not tolerating the volume of feeds that they want her to take so after they feed her she is throwing up. I need to talk to the Dr about upping the calories and lowering the amount she has to take in.

She has been having alot of Bradys (heartrate drops) she has had so many we have once again moved rooms. This time it was a move to a private room in the Intensive Care side of the PICU.

Well We just finished a bottle she ate 50ccs in about 8 min. I think the 50 is her limit and she seems to be holding it down now.I am going to fortify her 50ccs myself and see how she does.

I have been sitting here thinking about what it is I am supposed to be learning from this. From Soli. What is it that God is trying to teach me? I think He is trying to tell me to slow down.
There is so much going on in my life right now. Tom and Cheryl are clashing, Well Cheryl is clashing with Everyone. She has not gotten the memo that she is not the boss and she needs to figure out that she is a kid too. I know this is my fault because I have asked so much of her in her life. I have allowed her to take on more responsibility. She just does not seem happy lately. She is only 11 it can't possibally be the teen years yet can it??

I am feeling the need to change things. Some good, some not so good but changes that would overall be better. I can't say what all these changes are but some things are spending more time with the kids DOING things. Also Somethin I think Tom and I need to work on is our anger. We yell ALOT. Well actually sinceha came home from Iraq Tom is... different. He is more easily aggrivated and things that before would not phase him just really aggrivates him now. Small things make him angry and I honestly do not think he enjoys doing things as a family anymore. I do know that I handle the kids better, I have more patients than he does. So one thing we need to do it work on letting the little things go.
Another thing I am going to work on it keeping the house better. I need to get as schedule down and stick to it.

But for now I am just going to trust in God and trust that he has a bigger plan for Soli and that she will get better and this hospital stay, like her NICU stay, will be a memory soon. I have plenty of time lately to think. So for now that is what I am going to do. Sit here and try to figure out what God wants from this, What he wants me to take from this. I do know that so far Soli has taught me how much I miss my other kids when I am away from them. I am also getting a greater appreciation for Tom and his helping me out by allowing me to be with Soli. Though I must say we do not get much tome together and I know that is taking a toll on us. But I know we will get through it..