Do you ever feel like throwing in the towel?
I for one, have days when I wish I could.
Do you ever think about what your life would be like if you just quit? I mean what would happen if you just walked away?
I have often wondered what it would be like to be the irresponsible parent. You know the one who is able to walk away and leave it all behind. I KNOW I could never really do that but I do wonder sometimes. I wonder what I would be doing right now if I was not cleaning house, cooking dinner, chasing kids, running to dr appointments, being a wife.
Would I be happier?
Sadder?
Would I know what I was missing or because I never had it, would I even care?
Where would I be?
Who would I be?
The saying "the grass is greener on the other side" applies here. I can think about all this and think of how my life would be somehow better but would it really?
I had a neighbor, whom my daughter CJ helps with shopping and cleaning, attempt to throw in the towel this week and I watched my 11 year old come home upset and confused. I have had to explain more about life in the past few days than I ever though I would have to explain to an 11 year old.
We always dream of it better but honestly I don't think it would be.
Different yes but not necessarily better.
As much as I have days like today and I am very close to throwing in the towel, I check on my kids (who after MUCH arguing and a day full of being annoying and not listening) who are asleep in their beds, I know that it is because of them that I will never actually thrown in the towel but I will use that towel to wipe the crap off my kitchen table!
I am still figuring out what my life is supposed to mean but I do know that I was supposed to be these children's mom for whatever reason and I have to do all I can to be the best I can for them.
As for the proverbial "towel" it is now piled with the mound of dirty clothes in the laundry room and someday I will get caught up and that towel will once again surface but for now at least my kitchen table is clean!
7 comments:
Hi Dani - I left you a comment in Mckdrama. I am "D". I just want you to know you have a listening ear anytime you need one. Feel free to stop by :)
saw your post in a forum blog...you know the one. i've seen you on the blog frog, too.
i'm so sorry for all you're going through. i know it's rough. i know the rollercoaster and it's not fun.
i had a son who had a double organ transplant, lived in hospitals, round the clock meds, then, died at 11 months old.
i know the EXACT feeling you have.
i just wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts. i'm not a christian, or a prayer...but, i will def think about your family and send well wishes your way.
i have the utmost respect for you and all you do to keep your little one here. i do hope that she grows stronger and healthier every day.
i've read only a few of your posts/ comments...and you seem real to me. seems as though you only want one thing...for you daughter to be better. not cell phones, massages, 1 million hits, or hotel rooms. i like you, spent more nights than i could count on a pull out cot...WITH MY HUSBAND...while my son was in the hospital!! i wouldn't have slept anywhere else...no matter who was paying for it!!
okay...ridiculously long comment...off to read more about your little one!!
I saw your blog in the MckDrama blog.
Just want you to know I am praying for your amazing family.
praying for you!!
Can't believe some people! I'm here if you need me.
Thanks guys!
found your blog through the other blog-you know the one. You rock, girl! I will pray for your family. I live in Cali-northern Cali. Keep on being who you are!!
Christine
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