Betrayed

I have been trying to keep busy trying to avoid the inevitable. But tonight I had some down time and it hit. I feel so betrayed. My body betrayed me. And in turn I have failed my baby. It was my job to protect her and to keep her safe and for reasons I am not clear of, my body betrayed me and I then failed to do my part for my baby. I should have stayed in the hospital and not moved for anything. Now I can do nothing but watch her and pray she is not hurting. I have to ask to touch or comfort my baby instead of rubbing my tummy when she is restless. It does not help that I am in so much pain from the c-section either. I do not remember being in so much pain with any of the others. Well I am wiped out so I am off to bed.