Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Ride

I feel a bit light headed and my stomach is turning. Nerves I am sure.

We are approximately T-1 hour to surgery. I feel like the world is spinning around me and there is not much more I can do but hold on and go along for the ride.

It's like that ride at Disney California. You know, the one that you sit in facing out and it shoots you into the air, suspends you at the top for the most amazing view for about 5 seconds and then send you plummeting down to Earth. Then it bounces you back up only to send you plummeting again kind of like a giant Yo-yo.

At first you are not sure you want to ride it but you suck it up and get in line. When you get in line you are nervous but excited at the same time to try this ride. You know you may get nauseous, there is a chance you may even hurl. But you have heard it is all worth it for the view from the top.
You know that your stomach is going to be in your throat when you are done, but you have been told that the 30 second rush that you will experience is worth all the risks and possibilities.

This is, in a way, how I could summarize my Pregnancy with Soli. At first I was not sure that I wanted to go on the ride. I was not sure I was ready. I was enjoying Corbin being my baby and the bond we had. But I came around and got into the line nervous but excited. She was great! No contractions, pre-term labor, nothing. Only one question came about and that was with her heart. I was anxious till her Echo and was told she was fine. NO worries.

On Novemebr 30th I walked onto the ride and sat down. It took a long time to secure the safety harness but we thought we finally got it tight enough. December 6th I unbuckled my harness and walked out of the hospital. I hesitated but on December 11th at 5:50 am, I was forced onto the ride and someone pressed the start button.
I was scared and I wanted off but the ride was already in motion, going upwards and there was no way off. I held on tight during one of the most terrifying accents of my life.

At 11:53 pm I got to the top and for 5 seconds I got to see the most AMAZING View! All 1 pound 9 ounces of her!
For a second I totally forgot all about the bouncing the ride had left in store for me.

Now I am on the yo-yo part of the ride. I pray each day that we are strong enough to survive the ride and we come out OK. I am not sure how much up and down this ride has left in store for us but it is exhausting. The plummeting is the worst part. I pray all day for the ride to be over so they can unstrap me so we can get off and walk away from the ride.
The ride is Hell but I would ride it all over again for the 5 second view at the top and the ability to walk away knowing that we not only survived, we learned, we experienced, we triumphed, we conquered!

I am pretty sure I never want to ride this particular ride again but I know life will have plenty of other rides for us to experience.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

What a beautiful post. So eloquent! I hope Soli has gone through surgery and is recovering nicely now. Many prayers and much love coming her way.