Random rambling at a 5 am pumping

I was thinking in the shower the other day that I no longer have anyone to sing to in the shower. There is noone to dance with or discuss the future with. This was never in the plans. Being my last baby I was enjoying my pregnancy and all the discomforts that came along with it. I feel like I got cheated. I never got to announce I was in Double digits since she was born 101 days before her due date. I never got to announce the joy of making it to the 3rd trimester. Hell I was only just starting to feel her move and I was loving it! I was prepairing for bringing another person into our lives but was not yet prepaired. I am still trying to figure out was purpose was supposed to be served by her coming so early. I was heading for one goal. I wanted to have one baby that when born was laid on my chest for me to hold and not wisked away before i was able to blink. If not for the emergency c-section i would have had that with Corbin. There was no chance with Soli. All the what if are constantly running thru my head.

I want to thank anyone reading this for allowing me to put my feelings on here. It helps me to get it out and I appriciate there are a few out there who read them. It is just so hard to talk to others around cause it seems noone understands.