Sunday, December 21, 2008

Random rambling at a 5 am pumping

I was thinking in the shower the other day that I no longer have anyone to sing to in the shower. There is noone to dance with or discuss the future with. This was never in the plans. Being my last baby I was enjoying my pregnancy and all the discomforts that came along with it. I feel like I got cheated. I never got to announce I was in Double digits since she was born 101 days before her due date. I never got to announce the joy of making it to the 3rd trimester. Hell I was only just starting to feel her move and I was loving it! I was prepairing for bringing another person into our lives but was not yet prepaired. I am still trying to figure out was purpose was supposed to be served by her coming so early. I was heading for one goal. I wanted to have one baby that when born was laid on my chest for me to hold and not wisked away before i was able to blink. If not for the emergency c-section i would have had that with Corbin. There was no chance with Soli. All the what if are constantly running thru my head.

I want to thank anyone reading this for allowing me to put my feelings on here. It helps me to get it out and I appriciate there are a few out there who read them. It is just so hard to talk to others around cause it seems noone understands.


Stephanie said...

I'm constantly thinking of you and sweet Soli, and checking in daily. Know that I'm here if you need to chat. {{hugs}}

liz.mccarthy said...

It's a really really big deal that your daughter is off the vent so early....she must be super strong! I've never heard of a micro getting off the vent so quickly!

SO glad you found us on micro preemie blog moms.

So glad you are able to get your feelings out on your blog, it's important,

Abrah Zion said...

Hello. My name is Abrah. I'm from the July boards on I read your birth story and I just wanted to let you know that I'm keeping you and Baby Soli in my prayers. G-d Bless.

sheree said...


I am so sorry you were never able to get those first few moments of bonding. I know I have only had two children, but just wanted you to know that I too never got that moment that everyone always talks about.

I am so glad you are getting everything off your chest. I find blogging so therapeutic and it looks like you do too.